Tag Archives: Changes

A gbọdọ ka – A must read (‘Sharenting’)

It’s pretty obvious why I don’t post pictures of my five year old daughter on my blog, considering it’s a blog about us rebuilding our lives after she was sexually abused. I don’t have a Facebook, Instagram or any personal social media accounts for exactly the same reason. We disappeared from our old life, and […]

via Sharenting: Pictures of Your Kids Online, Yes or No? — Life As We Know It

Abiyamo ni osu mefa – Motherhood at 6 months

It’s been 6 months?! I’ve been a mummy for 6 months already?! I still pinch myself at the thought sometimes. So much has happened in such a short space of time and it’s not just been physical, but more so mentally, spiritually, emotionally and possibly even egotistically.

I came across this quote a little while back;

“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” – Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn

The first time I read it, I felt nothing, it meant nothing to me. It was just one of those quotes you read and thought…”meh…whatever…” However, after connecting with motherhood and reading this quote multiple times over, I find that I’m deeply connected to the words more so now than ever before. I find myself exploring ideas and new ventures that I had never even considered before. They say the mindset of a woman changes when she becomes a mother and boy don’t I know it now??!!! Billions of women have ventured before us and found their way and that’s just what it’s been….their way. What I realise is that you can read every book, talk to all the other mum’s at classes and soft plays but whether they’re experienced or not, they might provide you with some direction but not necessarily THE ANSWER. The answers are our own job to find…you have to find what’s right for you and your child. We’ll try everything. We’ll fail at some things. We’ll mess up a few times. Possibly feel lost 50-100% of the time. Feeling overwhelmed more than you care to concede. You might even feel like you are spending a lot of time driving through thick clouds of fog just trying to fiercely to find your way.

As I watch Iman these days I have a hard time believing that it wasn’t so long ago that I held her for the first time, that I bathed her for the first time and those first few breastfeeding weeks weren’t that long ago. Motherhood has been an amazing journey for me. As someone who has always been excited about the prospect of having children but also self-focused on my career. I had always hoped and prayed that this time would work out for me.  There have been big ups and downs and these are things that I plan to talk about in future posts, but more than anything I look back at photos from the days of pregnancy, birth and the first few weeks and I see a beautiful new version of myself. Iman has changed me in all the best ways possible. I’m so happy that I haven’t lost myself anywhere along the lines. Instead, I’m here feeling as if I am more of myself than I ever thought I could be. I feel I have all strong handle on who I am becoming in this new role.  I like this Latifah far better, irrespective of the journey that brought me here.

Being a mother is amazing but it has its challenging moments. Though I haven’t struggled with PND or PPA, I’m pleased to say that I’ve been able to offer support to women I know that have. Over the last 6 months, I have been able to share real honest and raw details of our motherhood experiences with other new and experienced mum’s. We’ve celebrated the big things and the little things to support one another without judgement through the hardest things. From fussy nights, to postpartum depression to breastfeeding ending sooner than hoped to finding the balance as mum’s and career women or entrepreneurs to physical recoveries to vaccinations and weaning. I have grown to really appreciate the importance of friends who are there for you without judgement, who believe the same things, who fight for the same things with their child or children and are there for you no matter what!

Irrespective of the journey over the last 6 months. I have never felt more complete in my life. Iman’s developing awareness of the world around her is exhilarating and I know it won’t be much longer before I’m chasing her around the place. I’d say I’ve hit a point where I’m learning to loosen the reigns and let her explore and figure things out for herself even at this young age. I see parts of her personality showing and I know it’s only going to get better and better. She lights up my world every day that I feel like I could explode. No matter what, she will always be the No.1 love of my life. My focus has shifted to wanting to build a life that is all about providing her with the greatest life I can and that itself creates so much clarity in life. Therefore, surrounding myself with people that make me better, is a key part of my motherhood journey.

Iman has always been and will always be my calm during the storm. I can’t necessarily put it into words but every time I look at her, I know everything will be just fine. I’m enjoying every second of every day with her and looking forward to all the next development leaps.

So mum’s and dad’s, how did you feel at 6 months? Anything trying or hard about this time? What would you say has been your best part thus far?

If you have a question please add it below!!!

O yẹ ki a gafara? – Should we apologise? (Sharenting)

From birth announcements -to- ultrasound photos -to- his/her first steps -to- his/her first day at school…the list goes on and on and on, but social media is often the first place parents turn to share milestones and daily highs and lows. Often referred to as ‘sharenting’ – a term that may seem precarious of ‘over’ sharing or just as describing how parents post photos of their children online.  An idiosyncratic practice seen amongst modern parenting and also known as one of the most controversial!!! A recent study conducted by Nominet found that parents posted an average of 1,500 photos of their children online by their 5th birthday! The question here is…should parents be more mindful about sharing photos of their children online?

For example, I won’t be sharing photos of my daughter (Iman) on here or anywhere else on social media, but this is a personal choice. WHY??? Well, I believe that Iman is a person who has the right to decide on what her online presence is. Growing up in a time where the Internet has been widely used and the social media platforms have evolved, I as a young adult decided on how much of myself I chose to put online. Therefore, I believe that Iman should also have that choice. As the first generation of parents in this social media barmy world, I think we might need to really think about the effects of giving our kids an online footprint at such a young age. Nonetheless, I’m a firm believer that our parenting decisions and choices will always differ and naturally we’re not all going to agree on everything!

 Ok, so with all that said, I recently observed a remorseful trend emerging. It’s as if people are becoming apologetic about sharing photos of their children on Facebook. As Facebook is a well-known platform for sharing (or showing off) about accomplishments, extraordinary moments, and so forth…why apologise when those moments are centred around your children? Is it because society as a whole belittles parenthood? When I had Iman 6 months ago, I vowed to not become a baby bore. I cringed at the thought of being labelled as one of those parents who posted endless photos of everything to do with their baby on social media.  Although I’ll tweet about my daughter and our daily outings, I’m refraining from splashing her face all over social media because I also don’t believe that other people are that interested in seeing photos of my child pop up all over their feeds. Again, this is solely a personal decision and not in any way a dig at parents that choose to do otherwise.

In the past when I was a Facebook junkie, I’d never stop myself from posting about a job promotion, career success or education attainments but I think for the most part, I believed that my Facebook friends would be pleased for me…maybe I was wrong? Who knows? However, when it comes to parenthood, it appears to be appropriate to roll your eyes and say “Guess who’s just posted another photo and update about their child AGAIN?”

So the reality is, many reserve a distinct kind of aloofness towards oversharing parents. Yet, as a mother I know just how much of a huge achievement it is to;

  1. Conceive a baby
  2. Progress through the journey of pregnancy
  3. Give birth
  4. Get through the early days/weeks/months of motherhood
  5. Maintain your sanity through the process…etc.…

….and they’ll be so many more achievements to be experienced as our children continue to grow.

I do feel that “sharenting” is definitely one of those life choices that impact our outlook on many things. Those without children don’t always understand what it feels like to be a proud parent and it’s almost like being polarised. It sometimes makes me question how much we really value parenthood in this country, but that’s a blog for another day. The life achievements such as, the new home, new car, getting married – are sometimes deemed to be more valid. However, what people don’t understand is that when you become a parent, it becomes your life and THE greatest achievement in your life, so why do you feel that you should apologise if you decide to share 100000000s of photos of your child? Although it’s not something I chose to do, I’m still going to say that if you make the decision to share special moments of your child online, be proud and don’t EVER apologise for it BUT maybe think twice about what type of photos you choose to share and the quantity of them.

Please do feel free to comment below. I’d been interested to hear from parents who have shared photos of their children in the past and those who have also chosen not to.